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It was several weeks ago that I saw my oncologist. My PSA was up to 3.4 - a big jump in percentage terms but I'm still off the medication. However, fatigue has still been a nightmare and it is all a bit of a blur. After the Great Ocean Road ride I relaxed a bit, perhaps too much, and a week later a bout of fatigue ensued. When I had mostly recovered, and while I still had good fitness and strength, I decided to try a bike-packing trip where I carried a tent and sleeping gear. It is something I had been meaning to do for a long time. I was also keen to try some gravel roads that I had never ridden, check out the summit of Mt. St. Leonard and try "stealth camping" rather than staying at an official camp ground. It was a tough first day but successful - see the photo below. For the second day I had tentatively planned another mountain and a long ride home but after meeting an old school friend for a long breakfast I decided to take an easier route and catch a train through the Melbourne suburbs to get close to home.
More fatigue followed and around ten weeks ago I went to get my annual influenza vaccination. The pharmacist convinced me to also get a shingles vaccination. I did mention fatigue side-effects at the time but was assured it should be fine (I think the pharmacist may have been concentrating more about the rebate he would get from the government than my situation). I think I was a bit vulnerable and had impaired judgement. It has been a disaster. The first week was OK and I was hopeful I would have not bad reaction but then the fatigue kicked in. Three weeks in I could hardly walk. The reactions I have to other vaccines have eased after around a month and I've then been able to resume exercise and get my fitness back. On this occasion I started feeling a bit better and tried a couple of rides but the fatigue returned with a vengence. And it has happended since then as well - even riding very slowly for a solid distance has been followed (after several days) by extreme fatigue. I have had some periods when I have been somewhat better, and managed to get away for a few days with my partner, but overall it has been pretty dire.
Too many days when I could hardly walk, when I couldn't think straight. Too much staggering around the house and garden with no energy even to go to a local cafe with the family for lunch. Too many hours of mindless scolling through social media on my phone. Too many times when I've had to crawl up the stairs to have a shower. Too many times I've though that getting dressed shouldn't take this much effort. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end. And I wonder what things will be like when I go back on the cancer medication and my body has another cause to be fatigued. But I struggle on. I try to tell myself I've been like this before and recovered. And I can still be effecive at coding when I can't do anything physical, even with a foggy brain. I don't know why I'm not recovering. I don't know why I can't figure out how to end this blog entry without a cliche, but life goes on.
If this upsets you (and you are in Australia) you can call Lifeline on 131114.